While we all love festive fun, we also know how fraught Christmas around the dinner table can be; From petty squabbles to deep unresolved wounds.
In either case, when it comes to fully letting go, forgiveness plays a key role. Particularly as blame really does equal pain, unless of course you’re an injury lawyer! However, whatever your situation, applying the following steps can resolve it all so you can give yourself the greatest gift of moving forward this New Year to enjoy life in abundance.
7 Pivotal Steps; How to forgive
1. “Fully” Understand the Situation & Other Party Involved
Do you know ALL the circumstances? Question what might have happened or is happening to cause them to do as they did or behave in a certain way toward you? Can you really step into their shoes for a moment and ask how you’d respond?
Sometimes you need to play the therapist in order to step back and distance yourself from the heat of the situation in order to take off the emotional charge; allowing you to fully understand and help others. Essentially if you were an objective by stander observing the situation, how would you be thinking? Does the other person need help and support rather than resentment, contempt and conflict? Or Do they perhaps need to understand themselves before they will ever meet your needs? Do they need to personally evolve before aligning with your level of thinking?
2. Distinguish Intention from Behaviour
Rather than focusing on whatever has been said or whatever behaviour has been displayed (although this doesn’t necessarily make it right!), focus on the positive intention behind it.
For example, there’s always a reason for everything, you just have to become aware of it in order to understand it.
Often people say or do things to protect themselves or others. Sometimes they are affected by the very same thing that has affected you (from issues of projection to abuse multiple transference – essentially transferring their issues onto you because they don’t know how else to deal with them, other than act them out as their release). Always find out their core intention.
3. Choose to Forgive For Your Own Protection
Any conflict seriously manifests negative emotion, induces destructive behavioural patters and simply blocks positive energy; So do it for you!
Value yourself and know you deserve better. In not forgiving you are just letting the other person triumph in further limiting your life.
There’s no greater self-satisfaction than feeling the liberation and empowerment to say “whatever” – “I understand and I forgive you”.
Sometimes it’s just necessary to accept that the other person is probably unable to even understand or forgive themselves or articulate the desired response you’d prefer.
Moreover, you may even need to point this out to them, addressing it in a letter for example so it can be fully digested. They can then choose to accept or reject this, but in any case it has given you the chance to externalise and get everything out, protecting you from manifesting it all.
4. Take Control & Totally Own It!
It can help to look at your personal responsibility in any situation. Could you have responded differently? Could you have changed the situation?
What can you learn from the situation? What new, powerful, unique, or useful resources or knowledge have you acquired as a consequence?
Focus on what you CAN DO and what you DO WANT. Being consumed in the problem will only attract more of it!
No matter how minor or major your hurt is and the specific content involved, the point at which you can actually show gratitude and be thankful for the experience needing forgiveness; Is the magical moment you will physically feel you’ve let it go!
5. Metaphysics and Humour
There are really only two emotion’s in the world – Love and Fear.
Everything else is just a derivative of either. For example, negative emotions such as anger, anxiety, sadness, guilt etc. are ultimately born from a fear of something if you dig deep enough. So, it can be helpful to deduce the reasoning behind your conflict in this way – What’s it really all about and can you align here? … What is it you or the other party may be ultimately fearing? What has to happen to resolve this fear? What is the converse of the fear?
Alternatively. you can flip the conflict and chose to be on the side of love by creating a humorous take on the situation. This can dissolve certain issues, bring parties together and allow for forgiveness because the positive derivative of love will always powerfully outweigh the negatives, if you allow for this by flipping the fear cycle.
6. Reallocate the Energy Spent on Conflict
Avoid giving the conflict your energy. This is majorly draining and will only leave you feeling more frustrated, fatigued and resentful – Not allowing for forgiveness.
Rather reallocate your energy by doing the things that make you feel joyful, abundant and amazing.
Surround yourself by similar people and let this positive vibrant energy over power, superseding everything to create an exhilarating zest for life! If you are happy. Truly fulfilled and feel loved in yourself, any conflicts will prove superfluous in your life; making it easy to forgive. Remember whatever chain of events have occurred in life, they ALL contribute to formulating “you” and “your choices” that have ultimately led to the wonderful life “you’ve created”.
Plus, you’ll always attract more of wherever you place your wholehearted energy and attention.
7. Embrace Your Wisdom and Kindness In Forgiveness
It’s an old cliché to “be the bigger person” but it’s bang-on true!
Embrace and acknowledge the great, dignified person you are in having the level of thinking to enable forgiveness; It’s never an easy task and takes a strong positive mindset to get to this point.
However, when you can apply all the points above and look back to see only “An Experience” without the attached negative emotion; Is the point any such experience merely becomes “Wisdom”, as well as forgiveness depicting the special attribute of “Inner Strength and kindness”.
On that note, Happy Festive Holidays and Phenomenal New Year of Immense Positive Change!
Although fear has always existed and always will, in today’s society it seems we are particularly besieged with a perpetual fear culture – An anxiety over drive! Something I refer to as “New Age Fear”.
Over the last decade this has increasingly crept in and filtered the minds of many, causing anxiety to reach unprecedented levels, such that some schools and medics are even dishing out the pills to help kids cope! This isn’t some random observation either…
This is from seeing and working with the repercussions of a new age fear first-hand across a broad section of society. As a consultant therapist working with adults and children in private practice, NHS patients and charities, to training in collages, government sectors and private organisations in the business world; I see the emerging patterns when it comes to people, mind-set and challenges.
Although we are all individual with our own varying degrees of anxieties, root causes and so on, there is one common factor that seems to be exacerbating them all…
A “New Age Fear”. A term I use because so many aspects of modern life, including people’s personal lives, are now widely exposed and subject to scrutiny, be this through smart phones, social media, reality TV, or the general ease and speed of access to information via the internet, apps, various IT systems, satellite’s or tech toys. Essentially, this all gives rise to sensationalism, overwhelm, unrealistic expectations, future data concerns and getting drawn into the pressures of what is so often a false reality. The fast-paced, 24/7, “expect it now” technological world we live in today, not only heightens what is anyway an exceptionally fear-driven society but there’s often no switch off.
Fear is increasingly apparent in everything from politics and social expectations to advertising and marketing. Advertisers and social media culture encourage the fear of missing out, of not being rich/slim/glamorous/famous enough; politicians exploit the fear of losing money, of losing your job, lack of jobs for graduates, of terrorism, of health threats, increasing crime, trade wars and so on. Naturally, the media then manipulate thinking with fear . . . creating the perfect storm (fear and sensationalism sells!) – However, it’s all become outright bonkers, no wonder so many people are nervous wrecks paddling away under the surface…
There are (too many) many examples I can give that seem to be exacerbating (and even triggering) stress, fear and anxiety, although I’m never keen on giving these too much focus for obvious reasons, but:
Things like reality TV shows depicting perfect bodies types, glamorised celebrity professionals looking like an overnight success, ridiculously extravagant lifestyles and so on. Then there’s the constant drip feed of news and social media alerts – all of which are continually talking to the sub-conscious mind, questioning … “Are you good enough?” “Are you smart enough” “Are you funny enough?” “could you have ‘x’ wrong with you?” …
Then if that’s not enough we get hammered with “Fear of the Flu” campaign everywhere we look, Adverts telling kids what to do if an adult asks them “what’s in your pants?”, certain schools handing out “Propranolol” medication to help kids having panic attacks, disclaimers needed all over the place, fear of offending in an “overly” PC society, the misconception of “feminism” flung around and you know the rest.
On a personal note it was really telling what I saw this summer. I was sat in the park when I noticed a really cute little boy about 3 years old trailing behind his mum who was walking ahead with another baby in the pram. The reason the little boy was trailing behind is because he was toddling up to people who were sat on the grass and offering them one of his sweeties; it was adorable to see, and everyone responded affectionately. However, the second his mum realised what he was doing, she immediately went to grab him and abruptly shouted at the little boy “you must never speak to strangers!”, leaving the little fella really upset.
Now, fair enough parenting is subjective and she was well intentioned BUT, here’s the problem, there was no explanation! kids of course need to be aware that not everyone is nice and safe but with such an abrupt telling off in this context at such a pivotal age in his development, the little boy may well now grow up scared to talk to people, scared of being friendly, more introverted or just insular. All giving rise to an ever-increasing social anxiety, even socially blunted society – all fear driven.
Absolutely we need awareness of all kinds of sensitive issues, but we also have to be aware that it can’t be “the focus” or “the norm”, “expected” or “over-generalised”. Otherwise, new generations will grow up fearing everything, not to mention, seriously lack resilience and the natural resources to cope. And I suspect some people may have already noticed this has been creeping in for some time.
This constant drip-feed of fear looping round and round in our brain is presenting some big challenges. It’s mainly a subconscious under current but nonetheless it results in those chemical changes that determine our mood and ultimately lead to the feelings of background anxiety that so many people often experience without knowing why . . .
This is especially so when it comes to something like chronic fatigue syndrome (yet another manifestation that has dramatically increased amongst teenagers). Quite simply, individuals have been using up so much adrenaline being in a constant state of high alert that when (for whatever other reason) they contract a virus/infection/cold that they would ordinarily be able to ward off, the constant adrenaline pumped out (and often accompanying stress hormone cortisol) generated from such background anxiety has weakened the immune system and to such an extent that they have little left to naturally fight infections and generate enough energy needed to push through. Inevitably this physical fatigue and ill health results in psychological and emotional fatigue, and so the cycle continues without the right support.
The physical effects that any form of long-term stress and anxiety (conscious or not) has on the body are of great magnitude as they affect everything; from muscle weakness, aches, pains and impotence to increased risk of diabetes, heart attack and a compromised immune system making anyone susceptible to anything.
This isn’t about scare mongering, it’s about how the mind and body work and why people don’t often realise the REAL core reason as to why they get ill; simply stress to varying degrees!
So, it’s time we take a step back and learn a different way of thinking for different results that actually does make a positive, constructive difference so we can put a stop to this “new age fear” and its nasty cycle.
Essentially, what we focus on and get consumed with (unconsciously, sub-consciously or consciously), we attract a whole lot more of by giving it energy and therefore power:
In this case, we are only creating a lot more fear, anxiety and negative stuff.
This is quantum physics for you, the intricate and intangible workings of the universe; so whether as individuals we choose to get this concept or not, it’s still powerfully at play.
Awareness is therefore critical, so we can at least learn to re-set ourselves and put our focus on what we CAN DO as individuals and on what “personally” gives us joy rather than what we think “should” make us happy, particularly in a world of heavy comparisons.
The only real reality is our own internal reality – The thoughts and deep beliefs that we hold in our minds. And whatever this is, or wherever you choose to put your focus, you will attract more of it by giving it more energy. What you CHOOSE to perceive and determine for your life, you will attract, whether this is deliberate or not.
So, for example …
Forget the placards of whatever you are against, concentrate on what you want more of.
If you are against war … support peace
If you are in debt … set up a repayment plan and focus on living in abundance
If you are against famine … focus on their being enough food for all
If you are ill … focus on healing and being well
If you are against animal cruelty … focus on animal welfare rights, buy vegan
If you are against a certain politician, don’t give them extra energy by rallying against them… support the person or things you want.
In a nutshell, focus on what makes you feel good and the kind of thinking that gives you joy?
So in a world of perpetual “new age fear”, the more you are consciously aware of it, the more you can positively do something about it and turn your focus to the thing’s you really want that will make you happy. All as opposed to worrying about what you haven’t got or what you aren’t yet.
You can easily avoid falling victim to it! Focus on what “you” really want, focus on a higher purpose for yourself that goes above and beyond any conscious clutter.
- Start with making a list of all the things you have that you are truly grateful for – no matter how small or big.
- Next create a “vision board” of all the things you would like to do and have – get creative – decorate it with everything that represents what you want. Make this your daily focus and “feel” the feelings of living that life or having and achieving those things.
- Then ask yourself “what’s stopping you from achieving all that?” “What’s really in your way that once you eliminate it, you can have or do anything?”
Work out what you’re going to do about it, how are you going to push through your personal comfort zone, break boundaries and get the life you really want and can have.
Just think, who or what could you be if you had no more fears, limitations or comfort zone?
…. Exactly!
It’s all out there if you want it – you’ve already made a positive start by reading this article, so you can do it! Just take action, break those boundaries and go for it J
http://www.dr-em.co.uk
12 Effective and Pro-Active Stress Busters!
Why we get stressed and what we can do about it…
When we get stressed it’s often more a case of, “why do we allow ourselves to feel stressed by something”. The answer to this may be an entire host of individual reasons ranging from personality clashes to deep under lying causes that bother us; however, these still only pertain to the superficial reason of stress…
The other reason is actually far less personal because it’s the same single root cause for all of us! This is because if we begin to ask ourselves “why we are stressed and for what purpose?” we eventually get to the same core reason. This reason being that we all wa nt to live happy, free and fulfilled lives BUT something more superficial that conflicts with our deep core values and model of the world is preventing us from doing exactly that. This “preventing factor” then becomes the cause of stress because we see it as preventing us from getting what we really want, thus causing frustration and various other negative emotions that amount to the feeling’s of stress.
So more importantly,
We all know that in heightened stressful situations we lose the ability to think as clearly as we might ordinarily, as well as stress being an exceptional danger to our health; so to help think more clearly and combat stress altogether, here are 12 useful pro-active pointers, including how to combat different and varying degrees of stress;
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Focus on What You DO Want and What Really Matters –
When stressed, ask yourself “For what purpose am I stressed?” … you will get a string of reasons but for every reason, if you ask yourself further, “for what purpose” and then keep going with this question, you will ultimately get to wanting to be happy, free and live a good, fulfilled life. So if you then STOP and think for a minute, is the superficial or initial reason for you being stressed, really going to prevent you from ultimately getting happiness and fulfilment or achieving your important goals in life? (If yes then you need to read out of your comfort zone for complete answers!)
Whatever the answer may be, it’s important to make the decision to take personal responsibility for your own life and look to what CAN YOU DO ABOUT IT AND HOW BEST CAN YOU MANAGE SOMETHING rather than worry about what you can’t do or what won’t happen.
In a nutshell, focus on what you do want rather than what’s wrong, focus on the positives of a situation (although they may seem hard to find, there will be some – just have a good search and be grateful for these). Ask yourself what can you learn from things, how can you overcome them and what are you working toward – what is your real intention beyond the immediate stress? Keep your focus on what you want because what you wholeheartedly focus on, you will attract more of and ultimately get. So if you focus on the negative things, you’ll attract more negativity and the cycle will continue, so keep your focus positive and on what you want.
2. Take 2 minutes out –
- Sit down (with nice can cup of tea or water – black tea actually has a natural chemical, L-Theanine, that lowers anxiety) and focus on some helpful breathing cycles (It’s an old and perhaps obvious one but it does really help!)
- Take a deep breath in through your nose to fill your lungs to maximum capacity and then exhale quickly and deeply through your mouth. Do this several times (being mindful to stop if becoming dizzy).
- Then take in a large deep breath and just for a minute or so, breathe quickly in and out through your nose only, using your abdomen as a pump and at the same time visualise drawing a line around the perimeter of your body that represents a positive serge of energy.
- Now just breathe normally and notice the sensations in your body as you close your eyes and think of your favourite place or experience – perhaps a lovely holiday/relaxation scene and just indulge for a few minutes.
This will then help to refocus and bring back some calmness and help you to think more clearly.
3. Question Yourself –
“Does it REALLY matter?” “Is it really that important in the grand scale of life?” “Is this stress really worth sacrificing your health for?” A bit drastic but… “If you died tomorrow, was there any point in being so stressed and wasting time over it?” “would it matter or make any difference if you did or didn’t stress?” “what’s a more productive alternative to stressing?” “what do I need to happen?”
4. Peripheral Vision –
Whenever we’re stressed, we of course experience various forms of negative emotions whether this is anger, sadness, fear, hurt or guilt etc. So a useful technique to help alleviate this is to send yourself into a relaxed and calm state called “peripheral vision”.
This is very simple but amazingly effective because when you are in peripheral vision, your brain is unable to access any feeling of negative emotion thus allowing you to get on with what you need to, minus the stressful distraction, allowing you to calmly do something about the situation.
Here’s how you get into this state –
- Focus on a particular spot in front of you above eye level (This could be a picture hook, light switch, alarm etc. – anything above eye level.
- Now notice everything about this spot, the colour, size, shape, what it might look like if it wasn’t there, the purpose and function of the spot etc.
- Now whilst STILL focusing on this spot – just expand your vision outwards 180 degrees either side of you whilst STILL looking at the spot too, just notice what is at the side of you, what can you see in your peripheral vision whilst looking at the spot above eye level? – Notice all the things you can. Do this for a good few minutes.
- Now just bring your eyes back down to eye level and carry on your regular business in a much calmer and more centred fashion, allowing you to get on being far less stressed, if not at all.
5. Regular Activity and Taking Yourself Out of the Situation –
Any activity is massively beneficial because it helps to release endorphins (the brains happy chemical and natural pain killer).
However, make sure it’s something you enjoy, even if it’s a short work to a coffee shop or the news agents instead of driving etc. – Never underestimate the fresh air, changing your environment to free your mind and the endorphins generated! Even picking up the paper, reading a magazine or book, even calling a friend can be a great distraction to help readjust your focus and take yourself away from the immediate situation.
You can’t effectively solve a problem in the same space with the same level of thinking, and often place, in which it was created J
6. Tackle the Root Cause of Your Stress –
What’s it really all about? If you’re struggling to get to the bottom of it, invest in seeing a GOOD therapist so they can assist you in this and help you to release the problem or negative emotion once and for all – Although it can feel like a big or daunting prospect, it’s well worth it if you work with the right practitioner. It’s important to value seeing a therapist to “get well, embrace and enjoy life” rather than “because there’s something wrong with you”.
7. Take Action and Trust Yourself –
Be flexible and resourceful in taking action because you already have the answers, you just have to get into a good, resourceful state to effectively find them, and trust yourself. Relaxing and changing your scenery will also help this too. Work “the law of attraction” – see the book, @ www.outofyourcomfortzone.uk
8. Separate Intention from Behaviour –
If a certain individual is the instigator of your stress – it’s important to separate their intention from their behaviour. For instance, look at the person’s intention for acting or behaving in a certain way rather than focussing on the negative or undesirable behaviour they are displaying. This way you will see their intention is actually positive (even if it’s a positive reason for themselves). You can then point out that you appreciate their intention but continue to explain to them how they can go about things in a slightly different and more suitable manner (essentially change their negative behaviour because it causes you stress).
For example, if your child has been shop lifting – whilst this is a bad behaviour you might well be stressed about, look at their intention – perhaps it is because they have to shop lift in order to protect themselves from getting bullied by another group of kids (a positive intention for them). Now you’ve separated intention from behaviour, you can work out precisely what positive action you can take in order to do something about it! Ultimately by addressing the root cause of your stress, you can eliminate it.
Or take family stress –
See the person and their intentions rather than your personal expectations of what “a parent” or “whichever family member” should be. This can help to take the overly emotional charge and “stress” out of a situation in terms of being more objective and looking “at” the situation to deal with it, rather than being stuck “in” it.
9. Confront the Problem –
Even when other people are involved, it is still our responsibility as the person suffering from the stress to look at what it is WE can do to control the situation.
Example – If your stress is in the context of work, confront the boss and make your feelings clear and always state your own positive intentions and purpose for needing change.
10. Always take a proactive approach –
What will really make a difference to you?
Why not suggest or think about some personal or professional development courses for the work place or as a positive, productive distraction for you personally. This would then help reduce overall office stress or could give you many extra resources on a personal or professional development level. Also making you more empowered at work and appealing from an employer’s prospective.
11. Regarding Relationship Stress –
Often couples mismatch their values and personality profiles but once they become aware of one another’s, most problems can be easily solved. However, other than that, it’s the root cause that must be dealt with. Again, although initially daunting, a good therapist will dramatically help with this and make a huge difference.
Further to that, it’s a case of taking action in terms of knowing what’s good for you. If a situation can’t be worked out or resolved, then sometimes it’s best to remove ourselves from the situation that’s causing stress altogether and positively move on.
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Write It Down or Talk It Through –
This helps to externalise things and can take some weight off your mind as well as help to see things in a different light – sometimes when you see things written down or hear them said aloud, things often don’t seem as bad as when we have them all whizzing around our heads.
Make A List – This can help in eliminating the stress altogether! Make two columns on a piece of paper, one column for ‘problems’ and one for ‘solution options’. Write down all your problems that result in stress until you run out, then write next to them the possible solutions. Although some options to solve the problem may not be too desirable or necessarily easy, they are nevertheless an option to eliminate your stress when you’re ready to let go. Focus on these and you will find more solutions start to present themselves.
See this as a ‘solution action list’ and work through it a bit at a time, doing what you can, when you can (in order to avoid overwhelm) and then tick it off once you’ve blitz it!
If you can do a little task every day that makes progress in sorting a problem, things will soon change in a big way. This also helps to keep a positive focus.
It is important however to reward yourself for taking action – give yourself other incentives to keep going (even if something small).
Generally, there are so many resources to assist in stress relief, even changing our diets can be very effective, did you know porridge increases serotonin and magnesium rich foods like spinach or salmon regulates cortisol levels – the stress hormone.
You’ll always find some techniques work better than others depending on the particular cause and nature of stress, so it’s important to explore as much as you can and find what best works for you. However if you follow the above simple pointers, you will soon begin to think and feel very differently!
If you seriously want to resolve chronic stress and anxiety, see www.outofyourcomfortzone.uk , the book has all the answers you need!
All best wishes going forward x
…Your Potential is Infinite! Conquer any fears or anxieties, create an indestructible mind-set and achieve anything
When was the last time you did something that scared you; the last time you really put yourself to the test, took a risk and pushed your boundaries such that you bulldozed right through them? Essentially, when was the last time you stepped outside of your comfort zone and used it to make positive change to hurtle yourself forward in life?
Conversely, have you ever asked yourself “What didn’t I do because I decided to stay within the confines of my comfort zone? If I had decided otherwise, what could I have achieved?”
Whenever and whatever your answer may be, if you’ve ever successfully confronted and overcome a particular fear of doing something, it’s a fair bet that you felt an overwhelming sense of freedom, total liberation, self-worth and fulfilling satisfaction. A pretty awesome feeling, I’m sure you’ll agree!
Well, just for a few moments, imagine feeling like this all the time. That amazing feeling when you’ve overcome something, smashed right through your boundaries and consequently feel unstoppable; as if there’s now nothing in the world to prevent you from doing and getting everything you want. A new way of thinking that provides you with a true sense of liberation; a breath of freedom allowing you to fully take in life. Now imagine being able to feel this way permanently – and know that if you really want to, you’ve already found an exceptionally powerful resource to ensure you can.
The fact you are even reading this article suggests you already have a great positive and pro-active core about you, indicating your ability to integrate such profound changes in your life and build on such an existing mind-set to make it truly unstoppable…
Have you actually ever considered who or what you could be if you had no comfort zone?
A pretty thought-provoking question for any of us. Simply because most people have something that hinders or prevents them entirely from stepping outside their personal comfort zone, something which of course is different for everyone. However, the one thing that is the same for everyone, is that whatever this personal limitation is, it will ultimately pertain to a fear; be this from tangible fears – like a needle or flying phobia to the purely psychological, intangible fears – like daily anxiety, social phobia or fear of change or failure, even fear that has manifested itself as physical ill health.
You name it, even if we are without conscious fears, anything that blocks us from the life we could be leading, will ultimately, in some way trace back to a deeper root fear or unconscious limitation.
The exciting news here is that the more we learn to conquer and release all our irrational fears and limitations, the more we begin to create immense positive change for an amazing life beyond limits. And there are so many powerful ways we can do this, in any context.
One of the most critical aspects in conquering fear and achieving this is adopting the right mindset…
A powerful unstoppable mindset that creates new possibilities and opportunity.
Our core mind-set is everything because it makes anything possible. When we have this in place, the rest will always follow, and we can make the impossible, possible.
On a personal and professional level, I deal with fear in one form or another every day: from once having been told I was going blind to successfully reversing type 1 diabetes in the field of Mind Body Medicine or working with people who have suffered from severe trauma’s, life debilitating anxiety or have just been told they have a terminal illness. As this just scratches the surface having starred death in the face a good few times myself, alongside overcoming some major curve balls in most aspects of life, I know all too well how a strong mind-set really is the difference that makes the ALL difference.
It’s from the moment we start thinking differently, we start to experience very different and exciting results.
As I’ve spent many years studying various aspects of psychology, researching how the mind and body are inextricably linked and working in practice helping people to get the best possible results in every aspect of life: I’ve have the luxury of observing exactly what components are “always” present in the people who conquer their fears, break personal boundaries and live the most fulfilled life they want.
These attributes are something I refer to as the components that form a “zone zero” personality. Meaning that people who fall in this bracket have no comfort zone. That’s not to say they find everything easy and never experience any challenges or natural fear that comes with constantly evolving, but they never fear such prospects. They are rather fulfilled and have the things they currently want in life, living the life they want.
It’s a “Zone Zero” personality that most people aspire to, the kind of person you either know or read about who seem to have everything sussed and everything they want… the “lucky” people who seem to know something that you seemingly don’t.
But the point here is, there’s no such thing as “lucky”, it’s just a certain mind-set whether someone realises this consciously or not. This can therefore be you too… If you adopt the right mind-set and take action to work step by step to release your deep inner fears and limitations. This even includes discovering what your deep fears actually are and learning much more about yourself. Essentially engaging in the phenomenal process of personal evolution.
You can make a start today by taking The Zone Test™ online, an introspective quiz with a series of questions that determine how many of the attributes you currently display which are consistent with certain comfort zones. It’s a free resource and will automatically provide you with your score and a brief description of what this indicates. There are no right or wrong answers, the questions simply provide an indication as to your current way of thinking and how consistent this is with common comfort zones. It then highlights what aspects of life might be holding you back; right from the obvious things to the things you may not be consciously aware of. This will provide you with a good personal platform to work from to push yourself forward to either reach or embrace more of “zone zero”.
The idea is then to use The Zone Test™ as a personal measurement tool to check on your progress.
Although there’s much depth to “how” we adopt this mindset, as well as all the attributes that form it; from all my observations over the years I’ve devised a simple mnemonic device of the main key attributes displayed, and it’s no coincidence it forms the word “GREAT”. So here’s a very brief snap shot of GREAT™ and the main components that can make your life exactly that.
These attributes are based on people who have achieved full health when they have been told there’s no chance of recovery, made achievements against the odds, made new discoveries and set records as well as those who are wholly consistent with a zone zero personality in any context, display without question:
G – Goals, Gratitude and Grit
Have always known precisely what they want, with a clear outcome, fully aligned with this with no conflicts or doubts, thankful they know they can do this.
Their goals have a strong higher purpose and intention, driven by determined motivation where by nothing deters them – displaying sheer grit. They visualise and use all their senses to feel their outcome! Feeling it like they’ve already done it- subsequently living this in their head and feeling immense genuine gratitude for having achieved their outcome. Being thankful for this, as with anything, the more gratitude we show and feel for something, the more of it we attract back.
R – Responsibility
Have a very strong sense of personal responsibility. Always see what “they” can do rather than waiting for others. Assume responsibility rather than finding reasons for not having what they want. “They” decide to take control and create positive change rather than feeling like a victim or martyr.
E – Emotional Well-Being: Positive Core & Humorous Nature
They are of an innately and overall positive and cheerful demeanour with a good sense of humour. Display the ability to positively and proactively deal with emotional challenges for heightened well-being, essential to all success in any context.
A – Awareness and Absence of Panic
They have a heightened sense of self-awareness knowing when things aren’t quite right, when they need to change and take action. They always avoid panicking when either experiencing challenge’s or their path isn’t seeming to go to plan, they express any negative emotion they need to in the best and shortest way possible. Positively look to solutions and remain undeterred.
T – Total Unshakable Belief System
Have absolutely, 100 per cent, an unshakable total core belief in what they are doing and their outcome.
This comes from their unconscious root level, such that it is their DNA so no matter what comes to challenge them in the process and for whatever reason, they will be undeterred, and they will find a way. This is because our deep beliefs affect how we think, Feel and behave as well as the health we experience and the general results we get in life.
Despite only five brief elements of 25 fundamental components amounting to an unstoppable mindset, these are key attributes of a phenomenal mind-set.
Although it’s quite feasible for some of us to dive straight in when it comes to facing our fears, a good warm-up often makes for a better performance and result. So one of the first steps to conquering fear and developing an unstoppable mind-set is about building resilience and confidence amid developing a host of useful skills to propel forward.
This involves working through a series of “30-Day Resilience-Builder Challenges”, purposefully designed to start reconditioning and transitioning your mind and body for positive change. You can warm up to handling uncertainty by randomly choosing a new daily challenge (1 – 30). These help with self-challenge and breaking some common comfort zones, the being to complete the task whether you like it or not, whether it seems pointless, silly or stupid . . . Do you have the flexibility to do it? Can you dare yourself to do something different? Can you lose your inhibitions, utilize humour and handle the uncertainty of the response you’ll get from others?
The following step involves understanding fear and why it resides in all of us. Not to mention the different types: The instinctive fear we need, the natural fear that’s good and drives us forward, a new age fear that we must be mindful of and the irrational fear that only holds us back. Plus, how fear physically changes the bio chemistry of the brain to affect the body; our stress levels, every aspect of our health as well as the results we get in life. This then begins to highlight the significance of fear; making us more mindful and so creating an even greater reason as to why conquering fear is imperative to living a life beyond limits.
Building on from this is about creating a firm foundation with an essential toolkit of resources. This all starts with good mental preparation for getting in the zone: learning about state control, how to change habitual thinking, cope in any situation and how to adopt a totally new and positive way of thinking.
The following step is then fully learning to adopt the precise attributes needed for that truly unstoppable mind-set and becoming familiar with the 25 markers of a zone zero personality. Then you’re equipped to delve deeper into the real core work –
Tonnes of intense anxiety busting techniques, recognising mistaken anxiety, phobia release models, releasing root trauma’s using the RACE™ technique and even what you can eat nutritionally to reduce fear. Did you know that increased lactic acid can cause anxiety, junk food exacerbates it and porridge increases serotonin (the feel-good chemical)?
There are so many ways to conquer fear! In this step you’ll discover “your story”. The things you tell yourself as to why you don’t do something or haven’t quite the things you want- the reason behind the reasons. Learn your deepest roots which this is ultimately connected to which has been hindering your progress. You can then release these enabling you to see your past negative events as merely experiences without the attached negative emotion, thus becoming wisdom.
As soon as your limitations and fears are all released, the next step is about determining direction. Where you really want to be in life, the things you really want and for what purpose. There are so many questions, techniques and ways of thinking in this step to help crystallise and establish some real goals and outcomes in line with your “true” core blue print. This involves ensuring you are truly matching your life’s core blue print, discovering if this has even changed and therefore how you might need to align yourself. Any deep (especially unconscious) incongruencies will only ever block your energy in attracting the life you want. At this stage it is about being able to recognise these.
Next involves discovering even more about yourself and the things that are now going to push your boundaries and stretch your mind. This is a process of self-discovery and learning what makes you tick, what else you want, your ultimate life purpose and how fulfilled you are at this point using the self-discovery model™. This step also involves looking at decision making, intuition (with an intuition quiz to indicate your current level) and how to increase your intuitive powers for the best results in life.
Finally, a very important aspect in cementing a great life beyond limits and fully conquering fear is daring to enter the quantum world – a no comfort zone area! Here is some of the most powerful information known to man when used and applied properly, and it is being fearless that creates true empowerment. This is about ensuring and determining your future reality.
Then it’s time to check-in on how you feel. Checking on any bumps in the road. Re-checking what your comfort zone level is now. How far have you advanced and what or where is it highlighting any areas for further development, re-visiting or action needed? Or have you already reached zone zero!
In any case, all the answers and steps necessary to conquer fear, develop an unstoppable mindset and get everything you want, are there.
So what’s stopping you?
You’ve already started by finding this article and book reference (consciously or otherwise), never mind when you get to the end of it!
It’s all 100% within you! Go for it starting with The Zone Test™
www.outofyourcomfortzone.uk
Only you can see your personal results too!
WARNING – This article may cause offence, it may also take a fraction of your time, could possibly cause eye strain, have various typo’s, may cause you to think, and probably a whole world of other obvious and remote possibilities that I of course take no responsibility for, just in case you thought otherwise!
Through my work I get to hear about all kinds of things that affect people’s lives, as well as noticing general social patterns; all of which has led me to write this article. Ultimately, it’s about the growing need for individual responsibility and how certain sectors of society need to lighten up a little and get a grip.
Certainly, there comes a point when the government needs to intervene and the PC Police have a point; Health regulations etc. in an age of childhood obesity and T2 diabetes or ‘pussy grabbing’ presidents perhaps. However, some of the stories I’ve heard of late just beg the question of when it’s time to start drawing the line.
A small and quite apt example to start with is the lady who got banned from LinkedIn for writing an article that included, brace yourselves because you’ll never have heard this one before… The F*ck word! Maybe it’s me again, but aren’t we capable of making up our own minds whether we want to read an article with the ‘F’ word in the title or not? It was posted on a business forum for professionals, not tots, after all.
Following on with forums, I’ve even been banned from diabetes one’s for being too positive and explaining how T2 diabetes can be reversed – just in case it gave false hope to those who couldn’t pursue it. The point being, that although this was and is a true evidenced statement and certainly not of an indoctrinating nature (unlike some negative posts); I got banned. Should I have
been the one held accountable if some people choose not to engage in reversal or believe it to be possible? – Surely, I have a right to correctly inform people and be entitled to share my experiences. But no I had to be banned!
My partner even gets banned every month from a local city forum for instigating harmless sporting banter because opposing fans report him – Grown men in the playground! Seriously, in this context is it not time to man up and just banter back or, here’s an idea, choose not to read the comments?
On a more sensitive subject matter, l was recently discussing the prospect of a guy being sued over him having wolf whistled at a group of female joggers! Now I’m the first to support woman and equal rights, but legal action! Perhaps a roll your eyes up moment at worst, but dare I say it, was it not once considered a compliment to be whistled at, harmless banter? After all, there’s nothing to stop woman doing it/or something else back – isn’t that the true sign of girl power and inner female confidence, not to be bothered or intimidated by it!
Perhaps if we’re going to go down this route we should ban the diet coke advert of woman leering after the topless model type guy. We talk about equal rights, so perhaps it’s time to lighten up and exert some inner personal power in dealing with things differently – male or female.
There’s even the groups who make an issue out of erotic fiction; The 50 Shades of Grey Book, claiming it encourages and provides an excuse for domestic violence … Does it really? Or has the concept of BDSM eroticism and the fact there’s a root cause for anything been taken out of context. Having a choice is what makes the difference, empowerment even – just maybe it’s also about enjoyment or sexual experimentation, pushing boundaries or the phenomenon of the mind and what makes us tick and why etc., there wouldn’t be a safe word otherwise – that’s the difference!
Whilst domestic violence or abuse of any sort is categorically wrong on every level, and to whichever gender, it is a totally different issue, and if any abuser is of that nature, trust me as a professional, they won’t need any encouragement or ideas from something like 50 Shades of Grey. Perhaps instead we need to look at what people can learn from an early age about the traits of abuses, self-belief systems, and other critical issues to help avoid the complexities of such relationships.
On a separate issue of things going too far, it seems society is increasingly forced to have warning disclosures on absolutely everything. Even before TV programs are about to be aired, we’re warned ‘just in case’ there’s something upsetting portrayed – flashing lights, yes of course, but upsetting scenes? When isn’t there some emotive issue, something controversial or dramatised real life issues – isn’t that the point of TV? Even the news has constant warnings of distressing images – but isn’t the entire news distressing in one form or another, surely that one goes without saying. Perhaps it’s our responsibility of what we choose to watch in the knowledge of what we’re actually watching?
I also can’t believe the need for a current government advert telling us that if there’s a red cross above a motorway lane, it means that the lane is closed. Ok, safety first, but really! Surely if we possess a driving licence we should know this one! And I’m not even going there with unnecessary pedantic parking fines – The fact I’ve successfully appealed the majority gives some indication of how ridiculous they’ve become, not to mention the complexity of some parking metres and interpreting parking rules – though quite deliberate I’m sure!
I could literally go on with crazy examples of things like restaurants changing their name from ‘Fatty Arbuckle’s’ to ‘Arbuckle’s’ just in case it causes offense! I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t if you’re eating there anyway. However, aside from the ‘roll your eyes up’ examples, there are actually some serious cases whereby we really do need to draw the line and choose to take personal responsibility! Things where the freedom of choice is taken away or rules and procedure’s result in the difference between life and death.
I’m really getting to a harrowing example that caused serious implications and distress to all concerned! In this case, a gentleman with T1 diabetes who lived alone sadly lapsed into a hypoglycaemic state – meaning his blood sugar levels crashed dangerously low causing him to eventually pass out. Fortunately, one of his neighbours saw him through the window and called the Paramedics ASAP as they knew he had diabetes.
When the Paramedics arrived, because the door was locked they said they couldn’t enter his property because it was their ambulance services policy. Yet there was a man literally dying in front of them who they could see clearly through the window.
I’m sure most people know that when anyone is unconscious, the brain is being starved of oxygen which can have serious implications. Coupled with dropping blood sugar levels; time is critical to save a person’s life…
By this point the man’s neighbours were pleading with the paramedics to break in and save him, explaining that they ordinarily have a key but he recently had a new door fitted.
However, both Paramedics persisted to refuse to enter and help the man. The younger neighbour then gave them the perfect loop hole to their policy, telling them to go and look for something in the ambulance while they break in the property, so upon their return the door would already be open for them to enter – A great logical solution you’d think. Yet they still refused and as the neighbour attempted all he could to break in nevertheless, the Paramedics stood in front of the door to prevent him from doing so.
What happened to a person’s life being more important than superfluous procedure, not to mention, any paramedics primary role is to save lives not hinder them! Where was the personal responsibility of these two paramedics as individual, compassionate human beings? Is this not becoming a more serious issue in criminal law, and I don’t mean braking an entry!
Eventually the police arrived to break in and the man was taken to hospital, by which time it was too late – he was in a coma, woke up with brain damage, required specialist expensive 24/7 care, then sadly sometime afterwards he passed away. All severely distressing for his neighbours to have witnessed and of course his family to handle and process. Moreover, this was an absolutely absurd and unnecessary situation that didn’t need to happen should pragmatism have prevailed! The sanctity of life was seriously overlooked in favour of ad hoc procedure on this occasion!
I use the term ad hoc because many ambulance trusts do in fact carry tools with them to break in, in such situations. Other trusts also find this incident unthinkable, as they told the family concerned. However, aside from the horrific nature of the event itself, the point is how we really need to draw the line with certain pedantic thinking and behaviour in today’s society.
Certainly from the things I see and hear, especially regarding social services and the like; It’s time to take more personal responsibility and rationality in order to live better, more fulfilled lives. Therefore allowing us to focus on the really important things rather than things that serve no constructive or positive purpose – Bring back common sense and pragmatism please!
1. Create A Strong and Compelling Enough Motivation
We all need motivation to do anything, so knowing your purpose and ensuring this is compelling enough to keep you motivated is key. For example, if you’re losing weight, for what ultimate purpose are you doing this? Make this compelling and purposeful enough to really drive you.
2. Where’s your Focus Directed?
Although we’re all motivated in different ways, some of us by a carrot, some by a stick, and others a bit of both; this subsequently causes us to focus in a certain way. However, if we turn our attention to what we ‘really want’ rather than what we ‘don’t want’, achieving any goal becomes so much easier because we become focussed on that particular outcome. The nervous system also tends to respond and manifest what we focus on. This then directs the mind and body to act and behave accordingly – Giving rise to the metaphysical body whereby the mind is simply reflected in our health and well-being!
For instance, taking the example of weight loss, rather than focussing on not wanting to be a plus size, getting T2 diabetes, or feeling unhappy and down about yourself etc. focus instead on wanting to be slim, healthy, happy, and well. This will then focus your mind in a much more positive direction, and what the mind properly focus’ on, we attract more of – This is referred to as The Law of Attraction, we attract what we deep down believe and focus on, scientifically speaking in line with quantum physics… it’s worth paying attention to, as is the metaphysical body in terms of mind body medicine.
3. Belief – Visualisation – Outcome
What we deep down believe, we so often become – a little like a self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s therefore one of the most important things in anything we do to have a wholehearted belief that we can do something, that we can become something, and that we do deserve it. Although beliefs and values are deeply engrained in us from the moment we’re born, if these aren’t aligned with our goals they will always cause blockages and hinder progress, however they can be worked on and changed! However, to really achieve anything fully we must be certain in terms of having deep down belief and therefore having conviction behind it.
To help materialise this belief we can very effectively utilise the power of visualisation.
Quite simply, if we visualise anything with enough detail and clarity, the unconscious mind (the part that runs and sends messages to our body on autopilot) is unable to tell the difference between what is real and not real, but this must be detailed and specific using all our senses. For instance, through using PET scan technology, it is known that the same parts of the brain are activated whether subjects are vividly imagining something or experiencing the reality of it. The nerve firing and chemical release is so similar, powerful neurotransmitters allow the mind to influence the body in the same way.
If you’ve ever had a really vivid dream and woke up either laughing, crying, or physically stimulated in some way from it; then you’ve experienced this, and that’s the power of visualisation. On which note, if you visualise your end outcome with enough detail and clarity using all your senses to make it as real as possible, you can engrain this deep into your neurology and therefore focus your mind to make it happen.
It also sounds incredibly simple and perhaps obvious, yet so many people forget to define a clear outcome. Know what you are working towards, what do you want to achieve specifically? Again, taking the weight loss resolution, it’s great to want to lose weight – but how much weight do you want to lose? What are your bench marks? How will you know when you have achieved this? When do you want to have achieved this by? What clothing size do you want to be? Etc. The more you are clear about your outcome, the better your focus and chances of success will always be.
4. Release the pressure and expectation
Rather than making yourself keep to a resolution simply see yourself as having an outcome, and make appropriate choices along the way to achieve it – So many people see resolutions as rules, and the mind often see’s rules as being there to be broken!
More often than not, the more we tell ourselves we can’t have something, the more we naturally want it. For example, you might not give picking up a Mars Bar at the supermarket check-out a second thought, but if you’re suddenly told you can’t do this, the chances are you’ll have a strong urge to do it and your mind will be distracted by it.
It’s therefore important to create choice and trust yourself to make the best decisions rather than to place stringent rules and resolutions on yourself. Give yourself something realistic to aim for that you believe you can really achieve.
5. Have a contingency plan
If you still find your motivation starting to dwindle, give yourself a break. Who said a New Year’s Resolution has to be ‘all or nothing’ and if you need a little boast, it doesn’t have to mean you’ve broken it or failed miserably. The worst thing any of us can do is totally deprive ourselves and we all need little rewards and boasts, so actually lightening up a little might be just what you need to then refocus and get back on track as you were. Create little rewards for yourself when you reach a new bench mark.
It’s also worth having a degree of flexibility with your resolution. For example, if it’s to lose weight, perhaps if you’re finding a particular regime challenging or dull, change it – your outcome is still the same to lose weight and that’s what’s important, not the ‘how’ part of the resolution. Similarly, if your resolution is to go to the gym ‘x’ times per week, focus on your ultimate purpose for this… so if the gym isn’t working for you, find a more interesting activity that suits you and will result in the same outcome nevertheless.
In any case, there’s always more than one way to successfully achieve something, which is why it’s most important to always focus on your end outcome.
